bdsm….
It’s been almost 3 years since I ventured into my local community.
Learned a lot. Had a bunch of fantastic experiences. Learned a lot. Met a bunch of cool folks, and even made good friends along the way.
BUT, I’m done. Done. My fet profile has been mostly off for many months now and I officially deleted it last week. I am out of the “community”. I’m not playing as a “bottom” or anything else publicly or privately. I’m requesting friends and roommates call me by my given name.
It’s a crazy maker for me. This community is nasty, backstabbing, gossipy, and becoming more and more divisive and drama filled.I see a lot of fucked up, harmful relationships with people who act like they are still in HS.
I’m fucking with my brain chemicals with the subspace yoyo, and it ain’t pretty.
And when it comes right down to it….for most, but not all of the folks I know, bdsm is the ONLY common denominator. Those few I mesh with best, including my roommates, have much more in common. You know, they’re people I would do things with or have a conversation with completely outside of bdsm.
Sands of Time 
Mmmm…These are the things I’ve been noticing for years now too. I think if you enjoy the dynamics and sensations of bdsm, that its important to learn to play in a high functioning way and with high functioning, mature partners. The fetish community is filled with dysfunctional people…but there’s some who are very high functioning. They just don’t tend to all congregate in the same place at once.
I leave early and play with few and I don’t pay much attention otherwise. I’ve made some very fabulous friends with that attitude thankfully and they are very mature people thankfully.
I’m happy you’ve made a choice about what’s right for you…
Thinking of you. I hope you’ll write or text and fill me in on things for you soon…
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Yes there are a few high functioning here. Some were play partners, and a few remain as close friends. I get it’s just a small slice of the larger human community and can’t say for sure if bdsm attracts more of the dysfunctional or it just appears that way in a small community.
I live in a 24/7 household and am exposed to a lot of folks, like it or not. But the community is small enough to amplify the nastiness, assumptions and expectations.
Overall, what I’ve noticed is exclusivity, not the inclusiveness we give lip service to. It’s now a net negative in my life. I don’t need to be in a secret handshake club. I’ve met plenty of kinky folks outside of the “community”. You know-those vanillas we love to hate……
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