bone crushing, all-encompassing, sadness

sitting in the corner crying, sadness

Oh, Anam Cara, Why?

Why are you so mad?

Why do you reject me?

Punish me?

Ignore me?

Be deliberately hurtful and mean-spirited?

If it’s intentional, it’s working.

If it’s not intentional and you’re just being an ass,

It still feels like abandonment.

my. heart. hurts.

What have I done?

What have I said?

What have you assumed without asking?

I thought we were never going to do this again.

I thought…

I have nothing to offer you

no PhD’s and Masters degrees,

half a million dollar homes, hot tubs and saunas,

high powered jobs and money galore

hot cars and nice clothes

a hot, toned, fuckable body.

I just have me. Me

my heart,

my unconditional love

an apology

you should never get my snark and frustration

even tho you occasionally do.

I’m not a swipe left kind of gal.

You’re not a swipe left kind of guy,

I want to see you. soon. sooner than later.

not in a month

or 6 months

or 2 years.

Whatever needs to be said should be face to face.

Good, bad, or otherwise.

We owe each other that bit of respect.

I want to see the anger/disappointment/disdain in your eyes

I want you to see the hurt in mine.

Anything less is cowardly.

I guess everything is. Until it isn’t

just, so. very. sad.

sitting on the floor, crying, sad