I woke up crying.
I reached for…what…oh, the knife,
It was out on the bed.
Dammit.
I thought of how careful I need to be here.
To keep it sheathed.
How easy it would be.
As easy as he did to me.
But far more lethal.
I tend to nick in defense.
And I did by telling him he needed to put the shoes of ignoring and hear-hurts and abandonment back on, and give them another go around the block.
Purposeful wording,
A nick.

I have only once had the need to cut off the head of the monster with deliberate precision. An act of self-preservation.

When you trust, you become all the more vulnerable.
Others hold your secrets,
see your darkness
use it against you.
Jaded. I am so jaded today.

Five hours of sleep isn’t going to sustain me.