My native tongue fails me. There are no words for this, what we do and what we feel.
Society can’t grasp it so there are no defining words….
I know more what it’s not, punctuated by occasional and not so occasional what we do and feel.
It’s not fuck buddies even though that’s how this whole thing started.
It’s not friends with benefits. Although certainly we are friends.
It’s not lovers all the time due to distance. We are lovers when we ‘re together. But we don’t advertise it to others because no one seems to understand we are not a “couple” just because we spend time together.
We have a relationship which transcends best friendship which is not “commitment” or “partnership”.
It has no “romantic” component a la “courtship”, despite romantic moments.
Is deeply intimate. Incredibly…deeply…intimate.
We’re not “exclusive” except when we spend time together. We are available wholly for the other and for what ever it is that we have.
When we want to be sexual we are, but it’s not an expectation….it’s the icing.
So what do you call a relationship that is:
totally open and honest and trusting; where nothing is off limits for conversation; is non-jealous; who are always there for one another; where we seek each others counsel because it feels right to do so although it’s not a “requirement”; who don’t live together and likely will never live together; who demand the best of each other; who make vacation plans together (we’re saving for Greece next year); where there is genuine affection and adoration; is filled with deep respect for each other; where we both know in our hearts we will aways be this way together; neither who will not allow anyone else to change what we have or how we do what we do; where the Love is sweet and whole-hearted and so very strong in the context of what ever it is that we have; and where the “relationship” is easy and doesn’t require much “work”.
I could live without this man in my life. Because I will always live life….
But I don’t want to….
What is it that we do?
Are there any words for it? Is there some term in another culture, another language that fits?
The relationship that’s not a relationship between lovers who are not lovers….
We quite simply Love each other with all our Hearts.
And I’m so damn proud of it.
Yet, it’s sad sometimes….we guard what we do from outsiders-friends and family-because no one understands we still have outside interests that have strong elements of sex and sensuality, conversation, companionship, romance, and emotional or spiritual bonds. Not that anyone *needs* all the information, but how to respond aside from best friends or it’s complicated-which it’s really not. It’s just so dammed different. *laughing*
We are not limited in it but others seem to want to limit us in it.
You’re *just* friends….friends don’t sleep together…friends don’t have this level of intimacy…friends don’t….friends can’t….pick me…you can only have ONE…not both…me first…me…not her…not him….
Do not seek the because – in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions.
~Anais Nin~
Yeah……I have a few like this.
Sands of Time 
I had a conversation similar to this with a very special man in my life just yesterday. An attempt to define “us”. It’s as if we’ve brought the best of us into each other. A relationship, intensely loving, without destination. Existing in the “being” of us. It’s the purest relationship I’ve ever had. We are “Lovers” in the purest sense.
“Anam Cara” … yes, I think so. Home.
I am so glad others understand what I speak of here. “Without destination”, yes. And that is the key I think to loving fully and purely. I’ve come to realize (for me anyway)….I no longer want to “define” it. Yes indeed it is, Home, sweet home.
ps: I had no idea about your other three sites. Stunning…absolutely stunning.
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Anam cara.
*gasp* Of course. So simple. Thank you.
When you love, you open your life to an Other. All your barriers are down. Your protective distances collapse. This person is given absolute permission to come into the deepest temple of your spirit. Your presence and life can become their ground. It takes great courage to let someone so close. Where a friendship recognizes itself as a gift, it will remain open to its own ground of blessing….. When you are blessed with an “Anam Cara”, the Irish believe, you have arrived at that most sacred place: home. This bond between friends is indissoluble: “This, I say, is what is broken by no chances, what no interval of time or space can sever or destroy, and what even death itself cannot part”.
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Ha…good one. A dear friend of mine has been asking about the difference between “love and “in love.”
I suggest that Love is unconditional, open, free, nonconstrictive, nondefined. That “in love” has expectations and triggers our buttons/needs requiring things from the other to stay safe.
Perhaps you two simply Love..and that’s why we don’t have a word for it ;)
Gillette, based on your definitions, I don’t want “In Love”. I suspect you are correct in it tho….
I think then that the expectation of having to be “In Love” with someone before reaching this level of intimacy and feeling for each other…as if the progression is some sort of linear, prescribed one…is wholly false.
And that perhaps I will now answer questions alluding to relationship status between us not with…umm…best friends…um….well…not this or that, but simply with, We Love.
*smiles*
Thanks!
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