journal entry from 4 January 2008: sitting on the beach listening to the sound of the surf

There are many times during the day I end up scratching my head, perplexed as to *why* I am standing in one place unable to remember exactly what I had in my brain. It’s a not knowing where I was or where I was going kind of feeling. A moment of blankness. What *was* the last task and what is the *next* task.

It annoys the hell out of me. Really annoys me. I’ve been quick to blame these lapses on my stroke almost two years ago. A random but continual synapse misfire. I realized today that may or may not be true.

I’m not sure it matters.

It seemed critically important today-a sudden flash of intuition-when this happens I need to take a moment and clear my mind; open myself up and not shut myself down by becoming frustrated, angry or annoyed.

This “break” is designed to guide me and I need to tap it. There is nothing what-so-ever wrong with a blank mind. It’s an advantage. It’s what I strive for during meditation. Nothing at all and what comes next…

Perhaps this is just the touchstone I have been looking for…