Reach between each breath for the next step.

We’ve been running.  Ok, only a few times now.  It’s about three miles and one day I will be able to run the entire distance. Practice makes perfect, right?  I also don’t particularly want to smoke when I’m done.  It feels….dirty and negating the effort i just put forth.

I really have to push myself to run half the distance.  But since that’s about one and a half miles, I’m pretty pleased overall for such a short time.    Dayum!!!   My ass hurts in places I never knew I had muscles.  Oh wait…that’s the point….actually having muscles in my ass. *laughing*

The first time I was pretty concerned about my breath.  On trying to get the breathing ‘right’.  He told me not to.  To just be with it…take note of it.

The last time we went…and this was the 2nd time…I tried his instruction to not moderate my breathing just as he told me. That worked pretty well and seemed to smooth out on its own.  Good.

At the same time I was concentrating on my breath a few blocks into this run,  something else happened….I felt myself reach BETWEEN my ragged breath for a push.  Strength in the next step.

There’s something else in this tho…wanting to carry this concept into other areas.  I just never put this together to carry it into the bedroom.  Hell I meditate.  Why not?

He wrote something that make me take note a few weeks ago about watching your thoughts while engaged in sex.  Just the same way you might watch your thoughts doing anything else.

So I took this into the bedroom.  Curious to see what would or could happen.  It started by just being more aware of my breath sucking his cock.   I lost myself in it completely….the sensation…wetness…my lips…smells…his fullness…pulsing…heat…throbbing…a stroke…his hands on my face…clutching my hair…skin….

I have to tell you….It was…nothing short of incredible.  More so than usual.  You who already do this….know…

I’ve been chronically accused…well, not in an ‘accusatory’ way…more of him being able to feel that I ‘hold back’.  Of not being able fully let go.  He’s right.  I’m not sure what scares me so about this.  But it does.  I just want to surrender into all of it. It’s the vulnerability of it all.  How women give sex and want love and how hard that is to separate; at the same time knowing full well the better the connection on multiple levels, the better the sex.

Attachments are so very messy to deal with.  How then to ignore *those*, and just give into it without all the expectations we tend to place with such an intimate act?

I need more practice.  *grins*