I stopped as I always do. It’s been two years…I can’t say how many times…but every time I was there I made sure to stop.  Sometimes to smile and let him know he was missed…still loved.   As do others on a regular basis. But it’s more than paying our respects. Much, much more….returning for counsel from a dear and trusted friend.

I stopped that day…23 September 2008…just over two years since his death. Sure, I sent along gifts and my love with friends a few times…bits of coral or shell, but this was the first time since I left Colorado 13 months prior that I had the opportunity to sit with him again.

I took in the other remembrances left by family and friends. A small motorcycle. A flag. A replica of his house in a nearby town.   Bits of rock.  One from the footprint of the Elliot fire…named for the last one he was able to attend.  One from the footprint of a burn caused by my work truck some 11 years prior.  The two pieces of coral I gave to friends as a reminder for him.  Never forgotten.  I placed another piece in the corner on the polished stone marking his grave.  And faced him cross legged on the warm ground.

My friend stood at the truck parked near the entrance to the cemetery a few feet away.  Watching and waiting. I’m not sure what he thought. We didn’t really talk about it…at least not in any way that I remember. Not about what happened that day.

I was already teary eyed when I asked.  What should I do Dale?   I still have each foot in a different world.   Do I come back?  Do I stay in Hawaii?

This is what he said, Well, shit. Back again? When are you gonna get a real fuckin’ job?

I heard myself automatically answer, Yeah, yeah…my job is to make your life as fuckin’ miserable as possible.  What is it you don’t get about that, after all these years?

I heard his laugh and saw the sparkle in his eye…

And at that moment, I knew what was in my heart.

But didn’t want to admit.

What you’ve always known about me.

Without a doubt.

There is no other choice. Not for me.

If life is all about passion. This one is it.

Pinon is my heart…

Always has been.

It’s not about you, or him, or the deep unending love I have for both of you.
It’s not about proximity to my children or my friends, or all the goods things I like about Hawaii.
Or the not so good things.

It’s about the lover who stole my heart in the night.

On some level it’s really not even about Rosa.

It’s about the woman who runs with knives, dances under the stars and sits on the edge of the canyon. It’s about the woman who calls to the owls at night, visits the ancients high on the hogback and walks in silence. It’s about acceptance of who ‘she’ is and being alone in it. It’s about one woman in love with a landscape so enchanting…that she cannot turn that love away…

Like wheels set in motion on the beach in Waimanalo nearly two years ago that sent me traveling over the big blue waters to Hawaii….wheels again set in motion talking to a dead man.

No way to know if the path is ‘right’. Who knows how many parallel paths we can choose or where they lead. I do believe however, this path is a ‘righteous’ one.

Tonight this song is you, him, and a lover.

Greenwoman….you asked….