Sands of Time

I saw him when I pulled into the parking lot. Outside smoking. Sitting in the shade alone, in the wheelchair. Shit, J didn’t tell me about this. We’ve been talking for weeks about him. His best friend. My buddy. About his cancer. Letting me cry when I need and doing the same for him. How can we help? What can we offer? No tears, he told me sternly. Then softer, almost pleading, Promise?

Then give me a hug and let me cry now…

Dale is 54 this year. I've known him 10 years or so. All the times I worked in the canyon and he's had my back. Pulled my sorry ass outta trouble. Again and again...

~~~~~~~~~~

I suck in my breath, light a smoke and slowly walk up the ramp.

Well, shit. Back again? When are you gonna get a real fuckin’ job?

I grin. Yeah, yeah...my job is to make your life as fuckin’ miserable as possible. What is it you don’t get about that, after all these years?

Both of us laughing now. Our standard exchange. Attitudes from Hell. Always givin' each other as much shit as possible.

So what the fucks up, Dale?

He looks at me sideways. Considering. He knows I know. I don’t care. I gotta ask. Give him an opening. Let him talk if he wants. We’ve talked before. Last summer. About his is bladder cancer. His fight. His recovery. His first bike ride after the surgery. Now? Bone cancer in his leg and arm.

I perch on the brick windowsill in the shade. Deep drags on my smoke. Trying to appraise the situation as he talks of the hospital. Pins in his leg. No bone left. Chemo. 3 more radiation treatments to go. Shows me the scar and burns on his leg. Arm in a cast. I think how thin he’s become. Still has his hair. His glances at me are fleeting. He’s smiling but those baby blues have lost their spark.

Yeah, J told me you said hello when I was in the hospital.

Well now, is that what he told ya? Shit. What I really said was to git your sorry ass back to work so I have somethin' to do. Now I gotta go beat his ass for telling lies.

Both of us laughing hard now. Boy child wide-eyed at the exchange.

Ok, I’ll be by J’s tonight after supper, have beer and visit. Give him a hug. Something I've never done before. Should be a good time. I’m hoping. I promised, no tears.

~~~~~~

Me, boy child, M, Dale and J sucking down cold beers. Been a hot day. Shoes off. Stretched out on the floor. Listening to them tell of the many adventures in the canyon. Fighting fire. Stuck vehicles. Remember the time so-and-so fell in the bambi pit? Speculating which swimming hole would have the best water given the lack of rain. What a bad year for fires. More BS. More laughter.

It’s late. I go with the usual wise ass remark. Hey D, keep Joe outta trouble will ya. And laughing if ya can. He’s been one cranky son-of-a-bitch the past couple of days. J walks us outside.

See ya when I see ya, Sweetie. Be good.

Head down, I mumble, Take care of him, J. You got my number...

Hugs for both of us. So very hard to keep it together.

~~~~~~~~~~


He asks when I’m leaving. 'Bout ten. Why?

Never mind,Too early.

I shrug, Gotta go. I’ll be back in a few hours.

Later:

Hey D, I’m outta here. Got anything going up North?

Not unless you you’re getting a real job. Laughing. So, how do you go home? Up Hwy 50 or on I-25? Tell him I take I-25. More direct for me. Gotta go. Give him hug.

I walk into the main office to tell the Secretary and her boss I’m checking out. They look at me and ask if I’m taking D home. WTF? Whats going on? Told them he didn’t ask. They look at each other sideways. But not directly at me.

Well, maybe one of us can take him home. Won’t be to later. Maybe. One of us can. Right? His leg is hurting so bad. I really can’t leave right now, she says.

He chimes in, Well, one of us can do it. I don’t know when tho.

Oh, now I get it. FUCK WADS.  Both of them. I know Joe has been out fighting a fire for the past 12 hours now and can’t take him home. No telling when he’ll be done. And his leg hurts. And they know all this as well as I do. No telling what they told D. About being to busy. DICK WADS…FUCKERS…YOU SUCK. My ears are buzzing. My armpits hurt.

Smiling, I’ll take care of it. Have a great weekend you two.

I marched into D's office. Hands on hips. Indignant. So why the hell didn’t you just ask for a ride you sorry Asshole? I can take the scenic route. Got plenty of time.

Just don’t want anyone going outta the way.

Fuuuck you. I’ll take you by J's to get your stuff and drop you off at home. You ready? 

~~~~~~~~~~

You know D, sometimes you just gotta shut the Fuck Up and take what people give you. And ask for help once in a while. Christ. You know we’ll help ya out.

He grins sheepishly, Well, you know me. Don’t want to ask. Don’t expect no favors. Don’t want to rely on anyone. Never have.

Yeah, just like me D. Give it the fuck up, will ya? Laughing now. Like ya really want to get stuck with one of those Fuckers taking you home?"

He rolls his eyes. Fuck NO!

We talk of work. Bitch, Bitch, Bitch. Laughing at the absurdity of it all. All the BS. He talks of his family. How they’ve done so much for him these past two months. How long he’s been married. The grand babies being a pain in the ass. Can hear the love in his voice. Help him up the ramp into the house. Get the bags. Give him a hug and tell him I’ll come down and see him even if it’s on my own time.

~~~~~~~~~

Good thing I follow boy child in his truck. Can’t see for shit. Crying too hard. Wondering when I’ll see him again…