Boundless

Posted on Sunday, 27 April, 2008 by Rosa

Some days the ocean and the sky merge into one great blue-gray haze with no distinct horizon in sight. Lazily swirling…a misty illusion of endlessness….of being boundless…of everywhere and nowhere becoming one. That’s what I’ve been seeing and feeling in the distance these past two days. Since I seem to be preoccupied with it, it must be important…

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Sacred Life Sunday-What Is, Is

Posted on Sunday, 27 April, 2008 by Rosa


Sacred Life Sunday

The only time we suffer
is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.
When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.

~ Byron Katie ~

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Soulful

Posted on Thursday, 24 April, 2008 by Rosa

I just can’t seem to shake it….my yearning for him.

Another voice I can’t do without.

I picked this one to dance with my son at his wedding. *smile*
Thinking about him today too.

Feeling a bit heartsick and lonely.
Stevie’s music always fills me with a kind of bittersweet joy.

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Blue Plate Special $1.95 – One Fish, Two Fish

Posted on Thursday, 24 April, 2008 by Rosa

Blue Plate SpecialHeehee. Yanno, they poked fun at me one day as I was carefully drawing an Aum on the bottom right hand corner of my wipe board. My wipe board. Shees, is nothing sacred? Soooo, I started writing stuff on it meant as a very wise-ass retort to the conversation.

Ahhh yes, a daily meditation. Sometimes it is a very controversial quote (I’ll push the envelope a centimeter short of the boundary), and sometimes simple words of wisdom. When the office mood is funky and hard to deal with or I’m funky and hard to deal with, I’ll post the Four Agreements or part of the Auguries of Innocence, Marianne Williamson, M. L’Engle or Chopra….whatever strikes me as important right then. All are meant to provoke thoughtfulness….and they are not up for discussion. *snicker*

I call it the Blue Plate Special. I charge dolla ninety-five.

We discussed a price hike today to four dolla ninety-five because of the high cost of living on Oahu. I guess they’re liking them, ya?

Get ’em before I raise the price.

From there to here, from here to there,

funny things are everywhere…

If you never did, you should.

These things are fun and fun is good.

onefish

~Dr. Seuss, One Fish two fish red fish blue fish, 1960~

PS. A few weeks ago one co-worker bought me a small pail of fatty colored chalk. I twisted their arms and made them draw on the sidewalk with me last week. The boss told us all to go to our happy place. So we did.

Today another left a giant (and I mean GIANT) paper airplane in front of my monitor. I will launch towards the park out the back window of the apartment. Heehee

I’m going to look for nerf ball guns this weekend

I think they’re starting to get it *wink*

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for only a morsel

Posted on Wednesday, 23 April, 2008 by Rosa

i have so much in my head right now…i am so much in my head right now.
the noise hasn’t come back but at the same time there is a thin veil obscuring my vision and clarity of thought. the flame is flickering but too low…i need an intense searing heat to clean the frayed edges, or a hot knife to cauterize the wounds once and for all. i’m not sure where to go or what to do. in the absence of having clear sight, i do nothing. like a cat patiently waiting…but still twitching at the impending opportunity. waiting to savor each sweet morsel. fill me up.

Dennis Mammana

Photo: Dennis Mammana

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fill me up…yes, i'm

Posted on Wednesday, 23 April, 2008 by Rosa

thinking about you. yesterday it bought a smile…

but today…well, i’m so very tired…and today i miss you…i really, really do.

i don’t even know what i’m doing here…lost in paradise without you…


i’m wanting, and waiting, and loving anyway…but today, it’s just not the same

Posted in Lost in Paradise, Music | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Time is Now

Posted on Wednesday, 23 April, 2008 by Rosa

Think someone is trying to tell me something? *grin*

Remember you once told me, Rosa, that if ever all of the circumstances in your life were aligned just so, your soon-to-be friends were in all the right places at all the right times, and the financial markets, social climate, and global energies had all reached optimal points… you’d want to be gently nudged as a subtle sign that it was time to start doing new things, saying new things, and visualizing so that you might catch these gargantuan waves of change and surf to dazzling new heights?

TODAY’S THE DAY!!

Hang ten,

The Universe

Posted in Tending the Garden | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Using What I've Learned

Posted on Tuesday, 22 April, 2008 by Rosa

Yanno, after mentioning the other day how I found myself contemplating changes and that I was not happy in my current living situation; I sat down and listed exactly what I wanted for a new abode in my brand new Moleskine quad lined notebook.

It occurred to me yesterday…in one of those light bulb moments….I’ve always done this. Except for the last time when all I wanted was to get out of my living situation (and I did)….every other time over the last 32 years I had to move, I made a list of what I wanted. And each and every time I’ve found exactly what I wanted, or more.


Honestly, I don’t even know why I do this. I just do. And I never for a moment connected it with putting my desires out there for the Universe to handle. I just did because….well, it just always seemed like a good idea to keep me focused.

Anyway..thought I would share what it is that I want.

  • Lots of Windows
  • Light and Airy
  • Private Yard
  • Lanai or Porch
  • 2 bedroom
  • 1-2 Bath
  • 2 Parking spaces
  • Furnished to partly furnished with at least one bed, kitchen table, dresser, bookshelf, sofa, and kitchen appliances (don’t laugh, this is Hawai’i, not the mainland)
  • Waimanalo to K-Bay or North Shore-Haleiwa area
  • 1 block from or on beach
  • Kind Neighbors
  • No loud pets
  • Within Price Range
  • Utilities included
  • Move in between 1 July and 1 October
  • Month to month or 6 mo lease
  • Good Landlord
  • Washer and Dryer
  • Trees for Hammock

Hmm…Now why didn’t I think of this earlier?

Wow, I feel so much better now knowing it has always worked and I’ll get what I need. And I like having these pictures to hold in my mind. Just the realization, well it makes me feel accomplished…..*grins*

Poster Art by Penny Gupton

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Sexy Meme

Posted on Tuesday, 22 April, 2008 by Rosa

Greenwoman tagged me, and darnit I wish she would include a spankin’ *winks*

This is Isabella’s Sex Meme. Anyone is welcome to steal it but you must post this rules blurb at the beginning of the meme: 1. You must include this link to Sex Talk: Sex Advice for Men. 2. You must answer every question! If you don’t have a good answer, you are strongly encouraged to make up something good; we like to be entertained. 3. You must tag 3 people.

1. Sex in the Morning or Sex at Night? Both

2. Better Sex Music: Sade or Marvin Gaye? Neither and when it comes right down to it foreplay music is great but after that I don’t want to hear anything but us.

3. Naughty Pics or Naughty Home Video? Pics of course.

4. Fabulous Sex With: Dr. Doug Ross or Dr. Greg House? Who them?

5. Vibrator or Dildo? Dildo. Never met a vibe I liked. Find them to be rather scary buzzing things.

6. Bedroom Sex: Lights Off or Lights On? On. I want to see everything. But middle of the night sex…well, turning on the lights would spoil that in an NY second.
7. Word preference: Pussy or Cunt? Pussy.

8. Spanking Over the Knee or Spanking Only During Sex? Choose, I have to choose? Both, please.

9. More Exciting: Sex in an Elevator or Sex in an Airplane? Can I have the glass Elevator?

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North? Who them?

11. Word preference: Cock or Dick? Cock.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson? Ok, I do know who Linda Lovelace is. Neither.

13. Rope Bondage or Bondage Tape? Rope.

14. Give a Rim Job or Receive Anal Sex? Choose, I have to choose? As long as we shower together first. (takes care of that nagging question, Gilette).

15. Get Rich Stripping in a Skanky Bar or Get Rich as a Call Girl for Celebs? Celebs don’t do much for me but neither do Skanky bars. I’ll take the Skanky Bar. Money is money and this way I don’t have to fuck anyone. Only get creatively naked.

16. Which threesome: Boy/Girl/Girl or Boy/Boy/Girl? I’ve never done either. Yet. I want Boy/Boy/Girl. I only do women one-on-one.

17. Flavored Oil or Tingling Oil? Flavored. I’ve not liked the tingling oils so far.

18. Pearl Necklace or Swallow? More-o-them choices. Can I have both? *winks*

19. Sex While Strangers Watch or Sex with a Stranger? Oh, sex with random strangers of my choosing.

20. Tied to the Bed or Tied to a St. Andrew’s Cross? Bed for the same reasons as Greenwoman.

Thanks for the invite, Greenwoman. We’ve only scratched the surface. *winks*

PS…tired, no tagging today.

Posted in Meme | Tagged | 1 Comment

Carribean Heat

Posted on Monday, 21 April, 2008 by Rosa

I am very fond of Carribean art. There’s usually a passion that leaps off the canvas and grabs me by the throat. Cruising around the net last night I found this artist. His work is so vibrant and it really resonates with me. Actually it has a luminescence all its own. And the color…OH MY!…makes me sweat. In a good way *winks*

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Jealousy

Posted on Sunday, 20 April, 2008 by Rosa

JealousySometimes I think that I tend to dismiss my feelings with the idea that I’m being selfish, or feeling some other emotion I’m not supposed to. But the truth of the matter is that dismissing it doesn’t solve a thing. I really need to acknowledge my humanity and then let it go.

Jealousy has been a continuing issue in my life. It’s not really been my issues with jealousy per se. Sure it rears it’s head from time to time. But it’s just not me. Never has been. So really, I don’t understand it well.

It still leaves me stunned and wondering why the hell anyone would be jealous of me.

Most of the women attached to my closest male friends just don’t like me. We’re what I would describe as “cool friendliness”, but I wouldn’t call it friendship.

Come on now, jealous of me? It’s not that I think that lowly of myself, I’m a pretty nice person. Actually I’m a really nice person. *laughs* But really, you are the one he calls partner or girlfriend. Not me. If that sounds like jealousy, so be it. But it’s not. It’s more of an annoyance. I’m a friend. A friend who would like to fuck your boyfriend or partner. A friend who fucked your boyfriend or partner in the past. A friend who still gets called for an opinion. A friend he can bitch to and know I won’t tell or judge. I’m a friend who is always willing to tip a few and go dancing. I’m a friend who is comfortable in the sexual tension of it and won’t push if the boundary is no. I might tease it a bit and enjoy it all the same. But darlin’, you are the one he lives with. You are the one he tends to when you are sick. You are the one he beds each night. Not me.

It took me a very long time to realize that whatever jealousy I felt was mine; but more importantly, their jealousy was not about me at all. Oh sure, it felt like it was directed at me. Plenty of times. But yanno, it has nothing whatsoever to do with me. It’s not my demon. It’s not my insecurity. It’s not me…

I’ve been asked a number of times – especially in the past two years – to change my behavior…my values…my wants….to accommodate someone based on their jealousy. Most times I have moderated that behavior and changed what I need for the “greater good”. Because I want to keep the friendship. That much is important to me. But it’s always been with reluctance. I’ve tried to see the value in it. Tried to be understanding and compassionate about their feelings. But it still bothers me that friendship and love has been limited buy such a destructive emotion. And that friends have to sneak about to have a drink or spend time together.

It really enforces for me the type of relationship I don’t want. And how strict monogamy just doesn’t fit for me when one person expresses such a strong desire to control another…

I don’t have any power over anyone else. Nor do I want it.

Well, we all want what we want. We all have our own ideas of right and wrong. We all live our lives according to those personal values and within those parameters. I can’t change it. I can’t change anyone else but me.

But some days, it makes me sad and it’s annoying all the same.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Sacred Life Sunday-Shine On

Posted on Sunday, 20 April, 2008 by Rosa


Sacred Life Sunday

Our Deepest Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

~ Marianne Williamson – from “A Return To Love” ~

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A Meme Against Diverting…..

Posted on Saturday, 19 April, 2008 by Rosa

I encourage you to read Greenwoman’s post related to this meme and another on diverting ourselves from accomplishing what we really want. I’ve also added the same category of “Mastery Through Accomplishment” to these posts.

Her posts really force me to think in more concrete terms and pinpoint some important questions.

I hope you’ll join in.

How do you usually divert yourself? In other words, what is your most common method of stalling?

I am a perfectionist. And I used to think this was a fine quality with all that attention to detail. Doing my best is certainly fulfilling, but spending too much time on any project/task also means I’m never finished.

What is the net result of your actions? How does this really affect you from reaching your goals?

I’m constantly arranging and rearranging priorities. The ones that are important tend to fall away and are never realized because there’s always one more (unimportant) thing to take care of….another edit, another stitch in that quilt, another line on a sketch, more reading in preparation for doing something I want to do. Nothing is good enough to let go of….

Are there changes in your life you’ve been contemplating lately?

Actually, there are a few gnawing at me.

I’m not particularly happy in my job. I like my field of Environmental work. I don’t like the atmosphere were I am now. It’s counterproductive to the way I need to live my life and be happy.

I’m also not completely happy about my living situation. I Love Brotherfriend and we are very, very close. He’s probably the most compatible roommate I’ve ever had (counting my husbands). But his living style is much different than mine. I am not a clutter person. Drives me nuts these days. It’s not my place to insist he do something about the three printers not being used, or the TV that’s been sitting on the floor for months.

Have you done anything to realize these changes you want?

Yanno, I found myself verbalizing this quite suddenly. *smiles* I told two close friends yesterday I want that job across the island which pays 30% more than I make now. And I want to be living Windward in 6 months time. In my book, putting thoughts out there in a concrete manner counts…

What fears do you have about reaching your goal?

Well there are a number of really easy answers, but since I’m trying to dig a bit deeper…

I am hesitant to live alone even tho I know I am fully capable of doing so. I still feel like a Stranger in a Strange Land. Further isolating myself means I get to figure it out myself with little to no input. And little to no company. The company part-even tho he is gone for weeks at a time for his job-is important right now.

The job thing…well…fuck…going to a new job so soon forces questions of whether I really am doing my best. Not trying to make it work. And questioning if I’m not just giving myself enough time to get my groove on or not.

Another is that I will have to make a 6 month-1 year committment on a new place at more money. I’m not even sure I’m staying at my job. If some fundamental problems don’t change in 30 days….I’m gone.

So I’m antsy about the whole situation and committing with such uncertainty right now.

What do you want to accomplish this week?

Write a long overdue letter to a friend.

What do you want to accomplish in the next month?

Be more disciplined…

I’ve not done my Morning Pages writing in quite some time. And I enjoy it. It’s a really creative process for me and I’ve let that go for the past six months. It requires rising very early and not being tempted to turn on the computer first.

I also want to do a walking meditation at least three times a week.

What do you think you should be doing right now?

Cleaning the kitchen. *laughs*

What would you like to be doing right now?

Sitting on the beach. *grin*

Any additional thoughts to help you on your goals? Oh for goodness sakes, I’ve added to this post 4 times today. I’m starting to think I’m either obsessive or a perfectionist. Or I’m prone to stalling. *wink*

Artwork by Kay Mace featured here.

Posted in Mastery Through Accomplishment, Meme | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Listen to my heart….

Posted on Saturday, 19 April, 2008 by Rosa

Love you…Yeah, I sure do. *smiles*

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Thursday Thoughts

Posted on Thursday, 17 April, 2008 by Rosa

Rainbows and butterflies, cattails and dandelions, waterfalls and rainforests, puppy dogs and dragonflies, sea foam and orcas, sunshine and comets, snowflakes and ice cycles, wildflowers and you…..

Did I think of everything, or what?

Crazy, sexy, cool,
The Universe

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