Sands of Time

be mindful of the ties that bind you, for they are the same ones that set you free…

350′ of raw hemp….

mine to process; to impart my energy as I let the rope sing through my fingers.

A little of both.

Either way I am not at all sure they can be separated out.

At least not yet….

yet again….

I slipped coming down the stairs yesterday. I guess. Not sure what happened. One minute I was upright and next minute I was at the bottom of the landing. About 10 stairs or so. Rug burn on both elbows. A large bruise on my ass. Left shoulder is pretty tender. And I have a huge knot on the back of my head.

Good thing for carpet, and padding on my ass.
Ouchy….
::sighs::

Each time with him I emerge as something new….as if another facet has been cut and polished; clean, clear, bright, razor-sharp…..

long hair. Yep. Waist length. Ohhhhh, the modern miracles of hair extensions. Heh, Heh. How’s that for personal responsibility? They made me do it. *laughing* Wow! Total Fun! And why not? Because I am a girl, after all. And I can.

Well, my Anam Cara asked if he could live here while he transitions back to the Denver area. His schedule is set at three weeks of travel and one week off. My schedule is who the heck knows but usually I am out at least three weeks or more at a time. At the best (or worst) we’ll see each other for two weeks in every two months or so. We’ll have a small financial agreement for rent. Honestly. That boy. Utilities would be fine. *shrugs* His deal to make the offer fair in his eyes. Whatever.

Ok, what the hell? We’ve lived together before. We’re both still among living, and we’re still friends. Sooooo…sure. He can have the 2nd bedroom with the futon for privacy any time, and guaranteed alone time when I am here. When I’m not here he can do as he pleases.

I honestly don’t care where he sleeps. I left that up to him to decide. I love sleeping with him and he knows it. *grins* It’s a skin thing. It’s also his energy. His presence in bed creates a safe and sane place for me. A bubble where no one can intrude. It’s always been that way, and I still feel this way when we sleep together.

I’m sufficiently ambivalent about it. And that’s a good thing as far as I am concerned.

Snow, snow snow and more snow. That’s what I get for being lazy and not going to the store last night. NOthing but milk for morning java. Drat!

Critical drop for me generally spans 24-48 hours after a scene. Difficult at best and really haven’t figured out how to manage without puking the resulting emotions all over others…

It is not at all related to gender. It is related to the demeanor. I had an interesting experience last week with suspension and a really nice mind-fuck from a woman I never expected to be able to drop me to my knees that quickly. She took full advantage of what I did not see but didn’t overstep either. I LOVED it.

Interesting…..

I am not interested in topping or dominating men because it’s a turnoff for me. I am sure I could. *shrugs*
I am not particularly interested in topping or dominating women although there are a few I can and have.
Suddenly, I am meeting more instead of fewer who seem to more easily inspire my submissiveness. Those who get it and me almost instinctively(?).

can I be less than the submissive woman I am; any more than you can be less than the dominant Man you are.

So where the hell does *that* leave us?

It’s become somewhat of a tradition these past few years to gather with the children for a pre or post Thanksgiving get together at a local restaurant. And then again on Christmas Eve. Fine with me. I don’t have the space to cook for a dozen people anymore even if I do miss doing so at times.

This Thanksgiving weekend when we came together, I learned I will be a Grandma and a half sometime in June. Yep. My oldest son an his wife are expecting. The “half” comes from news that his best friend (one of my wayward sons) and his wife are also expecting about the same time.

WOW! I am so not ready to be called “Grandma”. I think I like “Nana” or “Oma” better.

Spent almost 3 hours on hold before I could reactivate my unemployment yesterday. I really don’t expect to return to work until after my birthday. I’m really ok with it. This last job was obnoxiously difficult in scope. Cut Bank, Montana is one helluva cold and desolate place. Add having to work for a horrible little man who thought nothing of calling a woman on the crew a fat bitch to her face. He reserved nazi, hitler bitch especially for me. Wasn’t that sweet of him? Blech. I hate kicking crew AND the boss out of my office for bad (and mostly drunken) behavior.
And too, missing both Terry’s funeral and memorial service was awfully hard.

I’m thinking of a warm beach somewhere in celebration of my upcoming 55th. After all, I went to Hawaii for my 50th.

To make the upcoming holidays really special this year, my Anam Cara is coming for a couple of weeks. We talked at length last night about it. It feels good to know he’s going to be around between here and Denver with his girls. Mi casa es su casa. Whatever. We know each other well enough to not get in each others hair (to much *laughing*) or expect to be the others entertainment the entire time. Told him he was welcome in my bed, or not. Makes no difference to me how that aspect scopes out. We will have plenty of time together. We always do. There is another bedroom here with a futon he can have for additional privacy too. I know I am loved regardless of sleeping arrangements, our individual meditation time, private phone calls, family obligations, or the need to cultivate and maintain other relationships. All good.

It’s sweetness, pure sweetness!