Sands of Time

The Giver was alone, and the Gift unused: the Giver felt lonely, and sought to find someone worthy of the Gift.

The Rebel came along and saw the Gift the Giver possessed, and desired the Gift for himself. Rather than ask the Giver for the Gift, or ask what the Giver wanted for the Gift, the Rebel decided that social rules did not apply to him, and simply said “Give me the gift.”

The Giver knew that the Gift was fragile and would be destroyed if mistreated, and did not trust the Rebel; for how many of those who are impolite are also delicate? But the Giver did not wish to offend, and so said to the Rebel “I am sorry, but this Gift is for someone else.”

The Rebel grew angry and blustered “But I deserve the Gift. I am special and I deserve that things be given to me.”

The Giver, glad to have trusted her first instinct, merely repeated: “I am sorry, but this Gift is for someone else.”

And the Rebel, still complaining, went his way.

The Giver sat under a willow tree, contemplating the Gift and wondering about the qualities needed to really appreciate the Gift; as she was sitting there the sun and the breeze and the sound of the creek below lulled her into a doze.

The Thief, who had overheard the Rebel and the Giver, was waiting for just this moment. Dashing out from behind a nearby bush, he made a grab for the Gift; grasping it he started to run away.

However, the Giver was awakened by this and reached out to stop the Thief. “Give that back!” cried the Giver. “It is not yours! You have no right!” So saying, she reached out, trying to retrieve the Gift.

The Thief said “I do not care if it was not mine, I have possession of it so it is now my property.” And so saying, he pulled again at the Gift, hoping to wrench it from the Giver.

In the ensuing struggle, the Gift was fouled, battered, and broken. The Thief, deciding he did not want a damaged Gift, finally let go and said “You keep it; it is now worthless.”

The Giver cried at the state of the Gift, which she had hoped to find someone worthy of; it was dirty, pieces were missing and scattered in the grass around her, and the intact parts were bent and dented. She began to believe the Thief’s assessment of the Gift: perhaps it no longer mattered who it belonged to, worthless as it was.

But then she noticed that her tears made clean streaks on the Gift as they fell, and she thought that perhaps if some of it could be cleaned, all of it could; perhaps she could make her Gift have worth once again. She took the Gift and its broken pieces to the creek, where she began to wash them.

The Gift was easy to clean, but in trying to wash the pieces that had been broken from it, the Giver lost one. She began to lose hope again. Yet she was still determined to try to repair the Gift.

Hours passed as she fit pieces back together where they would stay. Some pieces she could not make stay, however. From behind her, a voice: “Perhaps this Glue could help you mend your Gift.” She turned to see a Stranger, holding a small tube of Glue. She took the Glue and thanked the Stranger, then finished repairing her Gift with the Stranger’s Glue.

When she turned to give the Glue back to the Stranger, he was gone. She thought to herself that this Stranger had thought her Gift worthy enough to donate his Glue, and not even demand payment, nor even ask for the Glue to be returned. Perhaps her Gift had worth after all.

And as she sat and contemplated her Gift, she realized that the Stranger was the type of person who would neither ask nor demand a Gift, nor would he take, but rather he would give. And she thought to herself that the Stranger was a Giver too. And who better to appreciate a Gift but a Giver?

So she sought out the Stranger, and when she found him, she tried to return the Glue to him. He thanked her, but said that she should keep the Glue, in case the Gift should break again.

And the Giver said “In that case, you should accept the Glue, for I wish to give the Gift to you.” And so saying, she placed the Gift in the Stranger’s hands.

The Stranger looked at the Gift, and said “This is too precious; I do not know if I can take care of this Gift.” The Giver said “I believe that you can, and I will stay with you and help you care for the Gift when you falter.”

So the Stranger and the Giver took the Gift together, sharing in it and sharing it, and held it as an example for all to see.

By [Discord]

[she sends me the most interesting things to read……]

“Through destruction we rebuild ourselves again …Through our offerings of pain we wait for peace to reach out to us again….”

thank you b

“Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart.”

~Robert Sexton~

Give me release
Witness me
I am outside
Give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe
That I’d get caught up
When the rage in me subsides

Passion chokes the flower
Until she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty
Hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe
That I’d get caught up
When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave I am sinking in this silence
In this white wave
In this silence
I believe

I can’t help longing
Comfort me
I can’t hold it all in
If you won’t let me

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
And I wanted to believe
That I’d get caught up
When the rage in me subsides

In this white wave I am sinking in this silence
In this white wave
In this silence
I believe
I have seen you
In this white wave you are silent
You are breathing in this white wave

It just doesn’t seem harmful to want this to be righteous between us….

It’s only harmful to take responsibility that is not mine to take.

It’s more harmful to not speak my heart and to not risk.

no matter the outcome.

We don’t always get what we want but we always get what we need….

Loving you
Worrying about you
Thinking about you
Reaching for you
Wanting hugs from you
Talking with you
Adoring you
Cherishing you
Accepting you

Won’t stop
Standing my ground
Stating what I think
Challenging you
Challenging me

Won’t stop
Trying
Won’t stop
Risking
Won’t stop
Loving
You….

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things–your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else—the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

(many versions attributed to many people)

He who fights with monsters might take care, lest he thereby become a monster; For if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

~Nietzche~

I received a bit of a lecture a few days ago. The above was the quote used. 

Fitting.

The abyss is further away today…

I had sooooo much anxiety about returning his truck yesterday.  Consumed with the “what if’s”, I almost considered waiting until Saturday when I knew he was going to be away. 

When I settled down about it, I decided that the action of returning the truck with a thank you note and the keys without telling him I was doing do, was more than giving him the finger. it was playing into the very sandbox I am trying to remove myself from.  After all…..really?…I am grateful he offered it to me and saved the cost of a rental. 

Letting him know was taking the higher path.  It was not unpleasant and didn’t have to worry about him suddenly driving up and being blindsided.  Or having anyone else there I would have to interact with.

I did not, however, answer the question of whether I had bought something else or was heading to work.  That is, from someone who was clear I was out of his business once and for all and forever, none of his business. Period.

I did tell him I thought that keeping it was further perpetuating hard feelings, resentments and obligations and that was not how I wanted the pot to boil between us.  He called about an hour later but legitimately missed the call. Let him know by text I had left the phone in the car and was busy.

I take the call as a peace offering of sorts.  That he wants to know what is going on or cares enough to say something over being ignored.

he can call back another time.  Maybe I won’t be busy….

Our conversation and his comments last night have me thinking on how others perceive us in comparison to how we perceive ourselves.  His comment was that I needed to learn to spend time by myself. Huh? His perception is that I surround myself with people and don’t know how to be by myself. Read a book or hike or work on your projects or something for you, he said….  *blink*

I’m still scratching my head.  Because what others see and perceive as truth may not be.

My perspective is that I spend a great deal of time by myself.  Most of my activities are solo and have been  for a very long time. His perspective is clearly not the same.  An incomplete picture?

Let see, in any two week period there are 3 community events I attend, another evening I work with my Rope Top; I see Chris twice in that period on Mondays and have dinner together once, I generally see Gene once ever two weeks, I’ve been helping the commenter once a week and manage to have a “date” once every 2 weeks.   Soooooo…In 14 days, I have 10 “things” I do with others.  Only my time with my Anam Cara once every 2 weeks spans 24 hours.

See, my perspective is that I am alone at least 50% of the time or more.  What he sees is me at his house or at those community events. And for some reason this translates into “social butterfly” who does not know how to be alone.   His perspective is that I am out and about all the time.  Mine is that I probably spend way much time alone.  Especially when I think about those 8 books I’ve read in the past 3 months; the rope and clothespins I’ve dyed, the nine tails I’m working on, repainting the wicker bathroom cabinet, writing; my own chores at the house; hiking; geocaching; garage sales and antique stores. ALONE.

Hmmmmm…..I think we will have a talk about perception being reality.  And why I feel the need to prove his version is flawed, lol.  Perhaps I see his assessment of me as “less than”?

Sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater. — Nicholas Evans

From a dating site where I visited a profile, received a very short email and haven’t had the time to respond with anything in kind.

I am tempted to respond in text because; ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
I am RESPONSIBLE for YOUR CONFUSION? HOPES? DREAMS? I can’t LOOK at others profiles because I might….what…????

I need to put this aside because…..I am…right? GRRRRRR…..

I don’t mean to bother you again, or critique you, but this is just a helpful suggestion… If you know what you really want, then say it (like you said it in your Preface to your profile) and follow it by action consistent with it. Sure, it is a free world, and you can go anywhere and do anything you like but, remember, Isaac Newton of law of gravity fame, who said “You move a finger, and you have moved the universe” (same difference, when it is all “relative” to the bright Jewish kid, Albert Einstein)!

Moral of the story: you confuse people by visiting profiles like mine, who is at a distance from you, and, thus, suggest otherwise (even if it is for heuristics, but we live in an interactive Internet world; it is not the same as if you went out to your local library, and pulled out a book from a library shelf; The author (he/she) won’t know that you read his/her book, and thus visited his/her mind, even if he/she wrote the book a thousand years earlier). No big deal, may be but, then, please don’t be so harshly judgmental or critical for the rest of us. You are an imperfect human being, no better or no worse than the rest of us. Let your body actions (yes, yes…) consistently confirm what your mind is saying (no, no…)! Best of luck! :)

You is kind. You is smart. You is important.