It’s funny where life takes us; the lessons it has in store for us.The very woman I feared, scorned, and resented is my roommate, mentor, trusted friend and sister.
The woman I was so scared to serve and submit to; I now find myself yielding to her leadership and her heart.
Each of us as individuals drawing on the goodness, wisdom and strength of the other as well as the power of us together. Power doubled.
And it is this power which scares him so…..
It isn’t position or place I seek in all of this. First or Second isn’t a goal.
Neither is bigger, faster, stronger. I am big, fast and strong in my own right. Doing better? Sure. Growing. Of course. Competition with another? Not so much.
To know this One is adored, cherished, and loved at all times and beyond reason is enough.
You always held me close in your heart even tho miles and prior commitments separated us. You always made the time, as I did for you.
That meant more to me than any tangible gift given or even the sexual pleasures we shared. It still does.
I’ve been comparing lately…not always a wise choice between this one or that one. But comparing lifestyle choices and mindsets. What about it that makes my time with him ok and not ok with another. Why do I want more with him and not more with another?
Dead man, you filled me at every chance. You did that with grace and appreciation for Love itself instead of outcome; no matter where I was or who I was with. You allowed me to do the same for you without question.
As it should be. You taught me well, Dead Man.
I have no desire to change.
I have no desire for the constraints of monogamy…..
a barbarian at the gate;
to dance with the devil
in the pale moonlight.
After three months I now find I am cycling with other women in the house. Mother and daughter’s cycles are pretty close, and now I seem to be following my housemate’s. While I will never start my menses again at this point, being 5 years post menopause, my body is tuning into hers. My hormone levels each month are marked with chin zits and irrational mood swings from light to dark, and sexually insatiable to horribly tear filled.
Hormonal swings have ebbed to a comfortably low level over the past 5 years. But this?
HA! Guess there is some good in this in terms of the sexually insatiable part without the bother of blood. Although truth be told, If I’m going to do this again I would rather it be accompanied by blood….
It is not what it appears.
I understand being fallible and have empathy for the human condition as I am not always consistent with words or actions myself. At times, the dragons I thought I conquered are still dragons hiding in the mists, and have not become the mere ankle biters I once thought….
I also understand the social and work masks we wear.
But, when we deny the experience ANY emotion which invokes a negative connotation in ourselves or others such as jealously or possessiveness, are we not elevating ourselves to some kind of god-like status? Devoid of what actually makes us human?
Nothing more than words parroted.
Yes, time will tell. It always does and has in a few weeks from putting these cards on the table in a general way for all to ponder. It was surprisingly easy to see those most offended at a general statement for all to consider as a theory were the ones most guilty of parroting what others want to hear….
It’s not mine to deal with other than to not trust what is handed outward with the mask of sincerity.
The Doubts of our Convictions are nothing more than where our hearts and minds collide…..
I chose this path willingly. I chose this for myself precisely because it was the hardest path I could walk right now; not the easiest.
The easiest path would have been the one with no risk; to stay where I was at. It was the path of “not”. Not reaching for something better. Not being truly happy. Not cultivating the grace I need in my life. Not being better.
This is by and far the path most serving to myself because it was also the most selfish. That in turn allows me to serve others more fully.
Sometimes I wonder what you think about it all. Certainly you are curious, that I know. Do you sit and watch cautiously from afar; waiting for the opportunity to pick up the pieces you believe will be left in the wake because you have no faith. No faith in her or me or us that what we say we want, we will create for her and me and us and you and them….
Walk a mile in my shoes or her shoes…you won’t get a block….it’s not easy is it?
Re-posted with permission.
Thoughts on contradictions spoken around the table Friday last.
The sum of slavery is equal to but not greater than; it is a conscience choice made by the individual. Contrary to the popular arguments, the seemingly endless circle of malarkey no one is born a natural slave by BDSM terms. Submission on the other hand is a trait all on its very own standing.
The term slave meaning no greater than and no less than ones choice of free will to partake in such events that surround the actual acts involved. Submission can be a trait or characteristic quality that is perceived as a main trait in an individual but does not form the individual completely.
Break down the word submissive and the final term is: One that is giving of their self.
The final sum of slavery is simple at best; it is a form of service to my Dom that I personally benefit from. It serves me, fulfills me to serve not only my Dom/Master but serves my well-being to provide service for both of us.
his wife and he and i stood in a kitchen on a well worn black and white linoleum floor. the counter she leaned against was bare.
he stood between us but closer to her as he spoke.
how are you doing, he asked.
i’m almost over it, she whispered softly. it was clear it just wasn’t as important anymore despite the lingering sadness in her voice. she didn’t raise her eyes to look at him.
he peered at her intensely from under the brim of his hat before speaking, Good. I knew you could.
she vanished from the room.
he turned and took a step towards me
but you, I worry about you, he said as he pushed his cap back and scratched his head in that all too familiar gesture of having something to say but taking a minute to sort things out before speaking.
slightly puzzled as to why he would worry and confused at what was happening because it just couldn’t be as real as it felt; he vanished and i awoke unsure of where i was, where i had been, who traveled where to see who, and why.
all i know for certain is we visited last night…
Yanno when you move out of the old house…..after it’s cleaned and all is said and done you never go back except every once in a while if you’re in the neighborhood?
Some of the pictures never quite fit in the new place.
That’s what it’s like with him here almost every day.
I’ve packed Muse in a box somewhere because he doesn’t quite fit on the walls of the new house; the home I’ve chosen to make with his primary.
Odd how she and I fit so well; like we’ve been doing this for years. But he doesn’t quite fit now.
Not sure what to do or how to handle it.
He’s overstepped some boundaries here with me.
Not bothered to acknowledge my ownership here.
Made decisions for his primary that directly affect me.
Trying to find grace with it because we want an open door where everyone is welcome without knocking.
Guess that means everyone.
Wonder how long it will take the old picture to look comfortable and familiar here?
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can fly only by embracing each other.
~Luciano De Crescenzo~
Padma. Purity of the body, mind and spirit.
 | Ashes to ashes, dust… on Final Advice- |
 | Rosa on Regrets |
 | Yvonne Raphael on …and other stuff goin… |
| Yvonne Raphael on a few small things |
| The Life Of An Intro… on introverts |
Sands of Time 
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