Just when I come around and accept things the way they are; just when I get all comfortable with it, it changes. Again.

He who cannot be named forbid her to have any communication with me just before I left in October. I was stunned and really, really angry that he would resort to such a knee jerk, selfish reaction out of fear. I maintained that the action was over the top, and unreasonable. And in later discussions about it I told him I understood, but it did not negate the fact I still feel that action was most unreasonable.

Around Christmas I gave him a small gift I had for her to be slipped in her stocking. And sent a text asking her for understanding and forgiveness for not holding our agreement and for being a disappointment to myself. That I had acted not with my heart but an insecure mind. I got no response. I didn’t expect to. I don’t know whether he saw it or not. I suspect he did. I didn’t care. I was serving me.

Just before Christmas he indicated they would both be over to drop my gifts and say hello to my visiting Anam Cara. It didn’t happen. Not disappointed because I didn’t expect it to happen. And really, we had plans to spend some time that coming Monday.

So yesterday we were driving to Denver and she called. All heard I him say was we were here, going to there, she was told about our plans previously, and yes we would stop by for a few minutes when we were done shopping. ::shock::

I said nothing as he informed me of our plans for the rest of the day. I just shrugged an ok and acknowledgement of his instructions. By the time we got there I swallowed my confusion and mounting anxiety; reasoning that if anything was really amiss she wouldn’t have asked and he wouldn’t have agreed. We wouldn’t be but 1/2 hour anyway. Small detour that took nothing away from me. Whatever.

So, after a minute of me standing off to the side looking quite unsure of the situation, we exchanged warm hugs and whispered words of love and missing each other. It was awfully hard not to cry. We talked of her difficulty about mending a toy she just couldn’t wrap her head around. I offered advice on how and she asked for my help. She would be down this week for a couple of days and maybe could get together to work on it. I told her it was fine by me as long as he had no issues with us getting together. When she asked him he didn’t miss a beat, and readily agreed searching my face for reaction. I gave none.

At lunch just afterwards, I commented that he was quite the enigma, and I was going to give up figuring out anything any more. Because every time I thought I got it, I hadn’t a clue…..

He instantly turned all dark and moody, and barked back that he had no idea what I was talking about.
I almost blurted out something about his pants being on fire and his nose growing. *laughing*

Ok. I get it. Not up for discussion.

No one likes to be told they were wrong even in the most round about way. Not my intent but any conversation about this right now and before he comes directly to me about it, forces him to admit he changed his mind and that change goes directly to him eating crow. There is no need. We both know….

So now, after all this time, and after accepting that he would never let the friendship develop, she is coming over to have help fixing a kinky toy and I will fix lunch and copious amounts of coffee and Baileys for the both of us. *happy dance*

There is a part of me that wants to thank him. But I won’t. At least not yet. It seems to be a redemptive ?? measure on his part. So I will let him do what needs to be done without a word.

The most gracious and loving thing I can do is be silent and it flow on its own.