December 2008
When I looked at him the next morning and saw his downcast eyes, stumbling over words in an effort to find a way to apologize for bringing her to the house that night and breaking our agreement, I was filled with something I never experienced with another man.
Suddenly nothing mattered but the Love in my heart for him and the Love that flowed between us. It would never matter what he did or didn’t do. Or what I did or said. It was Unconditional. It bubbled out and over into the cosmos. It washed over both of us.
I cut him short.
What you did was wrong. But I suspect you already know that. *sigh* This too will pass.
We hugged long and hard. It was ok. It would always be ok between us from that moment on. Whatever happened, it would always be ok.
It is.
August 2009
I’m waiting….
I’m waiting for something I know is in my heart but stubbornly refuses to come forward and bubble to the surface….To wash over me and radiate out. It’s there. I feel it.
Why?
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It takes two.
To give and to receive.
Receiving is scary…perceived as some kind of commitment, felt as some kind of obligation, conscripted as rules.
Neither of us want commitment or obligation or rules between us.
And yet, I feel it’s perceived that way.
Maybe I act that way. Dunno.
It’s easier to give than receive……
I think this is true for the both and for many.
Receiving leaves an “uneasy” most of the time.
That’s difficult. I don’t want giving to become an “uneasy”.
Sands of Time 
I feel this. It feels like something I have gone through before and that I am going through now and that I will again.
It’s a cycle for me too, Michelle. :)
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Remember I said I was going to write a post? Well I did…but it will be a couple days and it will directly address this uneasiness…I’ll let you read it early if you want tho…
((big hugs))
I would love to. Please? *grin* If you don’t have my mail…let me know
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Here’s a ‘synchronicity moment’. Only this weekend we were talking about how I’m so much better at giving than receiving. There’s something about receiving at a deep level which makes me feel vulnerable. I understand why (sort of)……..I’m hoping the next part of my journey might address some of that.
love and hugs xxx
I am also much better giving than receiving. Much better. It is difficult to realize that one is so uncomfortable in the receiving. I know for me it feels like a slap…and a huge push…away….I don’t want to ever give that impression.
I need to address this more fully as well in a quiet and easy manner.
All in good time I guess……
I can’t address his apparent reluctance to receive without perception of obligation.
I can only continue on in a way that makes me comfortable.
Yet, that alone does not seem like enough.
Perhaps I should just not do so much.
It’s a fine line.
And perhaps you are right. It’s as simple as not wanting to be or feel vulnerable it it all. Oh our fragile hearts?
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