emotional and intellectual intimacy between us.  Always has been. It’s the major strength of our relationship. It’s what makes us so comfortable around each other.

I am just having a hard time reconciling obvious loving hugs, the time he takes with me every night he’s here (most nights) to make sure I am comfortable, tender kisses at night and in the morning before he leaves for work, falling asleep in his arms, and his desire in the morning with no “acts” of  sex.

The last time he visited me in Hawaii he was distracted.  They had a fight the second day of his visit.  His libido again went to hell. It though me into a tailspin.  Confused again at the tenderness and no desire.  His words echo in my head again today.

Ever think you are trying too hard?  That’s not something you want to hear is it?

Isn’t emotional intimacy what everyone wants? Isn’t that’s what is missing from most relationships? To have great sex is…great, but without intimacy….it means nothing.

I had no reply to either.  I still don’t. But I know there is truth in his statements.
Begs the question….why the intense emotional intimacy, trust and honesty,  desire, and no sex?

His sex is not my business.  But, he told me before he left that he hoped he would get laid so well he wouldn’t want any more for days.  And then after some teasing when he complained about a lack of sleep,  with a sheepish grin he told me they once again broke her bed  the other night. *groan*

On some level I feel he lied about not having desire for any  woman.  And his embarrassment talking about it.

On another level, I *know* what is true in one moment is not always true in another moment in time.

I guess it boils down to wanting what desire we feel for each other to stay with us and not be taken somewhere else. To be acted upon between us. Not doing so….stings.

Unfair too…I don’t know.  I haven’t really asked in a straightforward manner.

Clearly, I don’t really want to ask.  Makes me think I really don’t want the answer.

What stories am I telling myself now?

Score one for “better living through denial”.

Score one for not being patient.

Score one for not trusting myself or him.
*sighs*