Yeah that’s how I feel.
Transparent.
An ultra thin piece of hand blown glass; the slightest jarring will cause me to shatter.
Filled with tears of frustration. My own, I know.
I slept on the couch last night. It felt “wrong” and “strange” to sleep in his bed with him gone.
It wasn’t him being gone that mattered. I have no issues with time for others.
My playful banter while we were cleaning up after spending a few hours tearing
apart the car,
At least someone is getting laid tonight, was met with a slight hesitation and a frown.
Shees….now I feel bad about going out.
Wow, not my intent. I don’t do guilt and I don’t give guilt.
I’m quite capable of taking care of my own orgasms.
But my hug and peck on the cheek when I dropped him off to get his car was clearly obligatory.
I told him we need to work on communication because it sucks….
Sands of Time 
((hugs)) Rosa…I am thinking that you’ve been hit with alot the past few days. Its a really big deal to make a huge move as you’ve done, the stuff with your car and this situation with your fella was an emotional question for you before you ever left your previous domicile…Do some huggy things for you for self comfort. Do some long walks. Take a yummy bath and breathe. It sounds like you are both just scared…
Remember that song, “slow down, you move too fast…*smiles*
You are right….being apart for two years…well that was a huge hindrance of sorts. Each tome we
ve seen each other the past two years….well a week is not enough to sync again. But needed I guess….we’ve survived. Yah, plenty scared. He just hides his better, lol. I don’t bother top hide that stuff anymore….
((hugs))
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What a beautiful, tender, holy place to be, Sweet Woman. I send you hugs and the prayer that you both stay in this vulnerable place as you communicate.
For the life of me Gillette, I can’t figure out why. It’s never been this hard before between us. So when I am called on being “closed”, I can’t help notice that he seems to be too………that is sadness for me. I should know better than to internalize this…but still, I do and wonder, what the hell have I done?
An afterthought….I am not sure being so very vulnerable this time with him serves any purpose whatsoever. Some things are better left alone. This may be one of them…..
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