That it comes at the right time is true if we’re ready to recognize it as such  And too, we need not spend time trying to talk our way out of whatever it is being presented.  Whatever new experience….it’s all opportunity to grow and learn, it’s about the journey.

I’ll be moving at the end of this month.  It hits my time line for getting out of this cluttered apartment.  I’ve been here a year.  And although the apartment is convenient to work…and I pay half the rent with a largely absent roomie….I’m not comfortable here.  The energy isn’t conducive to my well being. I need to be closer to the ocean.

Weird how things come about.  I’ve been offered a shared living arrangement for a few months in order to save additional money and find the place I need.  I’ve had plenty of angst about the offer.  So much so that I’ve been unable to see the forest for the trees.

I’ve thrown every obstacle up for weeks.   Wondering and worrying.   We talked about it more in depth yesterday.  He asked point blank.  Are you sure you want to do this?

Yes I am, I heard myself reply.   He admitted he was not.  I found his admission reassuring.  That he has reservations and he’s also considering some of the same issues I’ve been agonizing over since he first threw this my way many weeks ago.   It’s not that I don’t have reservations.   I would be lying if I said I didn’t.  I’m sure I want to do it anyway.

BUT….the potential to harm a cherished friendship….it’s that potential which needs to be acknowledged, negotiated, and communicated to with each other.   Can we speak honestly about what we need, about any issues we have without taking it personally?  Hell, we all have our quirks, bad moods, forgetfulness….Can we call each other on the shit with kindness?   We are both private people used to being alone much of the time.  We both need…demand…alone time and privacy despite enjoying each others company.

While my roommate situation now in terms of personality is probably one of the best…we also don’t sleep together.  Sex brings another set of negotiations to the table above and beyond space constraints and the usual personal quirks.  We will be sleeping together in the only bed in the apartment.  I gave up sleeping in the same bed with my roommate shortly after I moved in…he was just too uncomfortable with it. I now sleep on the couch.

Neither one of us is monogamous by any means. Nor do either of us particularly believe we should be,  simply because we are sharing housing.  And that aspect of privacy needs to be respected.  Those boundaries need to be set with the understanding that as needs change, agreements change.  What may be acceptable or amenable may not be a month from now.  It’s a learning experience.

I’m going to rent a small storage to stow most of my belongings for the next three months. I need to be careful…I nest without thinking about it…the effects it has on others.  I need not do that here.  This is not my apartment.  I won’t be a guest per se, but it is his apartment and the agreement is one of the temporary.  I think women tend to do this anyway…leave their fingerprints wherever they go.  Some of that is ok.  But it’s easily overdone.  At least that’s my tendency.  So ultimately it’s better if the temptation is removed.

I like the apartment.  As small as it is, it’s bigger than what I live in now.  It’s 4 short blocks to the beach.  Most everything is in walking distance.  Set a few blocks from main “Waikiki” madness…it’s quieter than where I live now.   It’s longer to work, by I really don’t mind the drive.  Did I mention it’s 4 blocks to the beach?  The energy there is good…peaceful.

In all of this wondering….I have been..for whatever reason…handed the exact experience I need right now.  Yep…I need to just chill with it…and welcome the journey.  No struggling with it…It will be as easy or as hard as I make it.   Growth is essential to life.  Opportunity…  *smile*