She pushed open my half closed door to relay the latest about her ex’s new antics. It wasn’t the abruptness of having the door flung open. It wasn’t the loudness of her voice invading my space so early in the morning. It’s been over two years since she’s been divorced, and it’s always the same. Her words were filled with contempt, disgust and hate…venomous.

My reaction was more than startling. A shock reverberated through my body. Physical pain. I found myself pushing the chair away from my desk and realizing I had nowhere to go. I shut down instantly as the panic set in. Numb to any emotion-hers or mine. Protection from the assault. But I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It was almost as is I was daring her to cross that invisible line, newly created between us.

My reaction felt like it took place in a nanosecond. Her diatribe lasted less than a minute. I barely mumbled something intelligible about contacting her lawyer before she stormed off obviously unhappy with my response.

I sat at my desk for a few minutes seeing myself in her many times throughout my various lives. Wronged, angry, full of self pity, worried, anxious, angry and stuck in the cycle. Lions and Tigers and Bears, indeed…

(rhetorical questions for the day)
How do we get there? Why do we get so stuck? Is it really comfortable to be the victim? Are some always the victim? Over and over. Why do we willingly and continually surrender that much power to others? Is it so much less energy to maintain the status quo of negativity, unhappiness, hate, self-pity and loathing? Inaction and entropy without energy input? Where does it end? Does it ever end for some? Do we enjoy playing out helplessness, crisis, and drama?

Dorothy always had the power but she had to discover it herself…Close your eyes and tap your heels together three times…