Today I will confront a friend. Not any friend but my best friend of 24 years. We were pregnant together, nursed each others children, she helped deliver my youngest at home. We know each others darkest secrets, pain, fears, joys and accomplishments. Though birth and death, marriage and multiple divorces; we have been together on a daily basis. The sister sibling I never had.

How to do this lovingly is the real challenge. Trying to find all the strength within me today. Feel as tho this is the edge, the brink of our friendship. I choose to push it to the edge. I will accept whatever happens. The consequences of not trying to put and end to this are too dangerous. It’s a battle I may not win. And I must.

What I thought was occasional, recreational drug use over the past 5 years has reached the peak of no return. I’ve offered my opinion, my thoughts, my support. She is an adult. But I mis-judged this one. We all did. Lies. Lots of lies.

Depression and denial have taken their toll. Anxiety attacks worsened. And now a diagnosis of a chronic, RA type disease has given way to massive amounts of ‘legal’ drugs. Painkillers in increasing amounts. Unbelievable amounts. She is rarely lucid. Confused. Paranoid. Delusional. Dysfunctional. I can’t help anymore with money and food, or support for the family and her children. Out of control.

She drives. She shouldn’t. She acts out. She screams. She cries. She demands. She accuses others of mistreating her. Hitting her. And it’s not true. She is hurt and hurting.

Her daughter caught her grinding her legal drugs and snorting them the other day. Her physical pain is real. But how much of the pain is psycological and due to her habit?

god help her…
I’m not sure I can.