With a lot of trepidation my blog cherry is finally popped. No fuss, no muss…the encouragement to post this really came from the unexpected, LOL!!

This was an e-mail to a friend after an ongoing conversation about expectations and hating advertising here for…????

You’re right, probably like so many others I came to Adult Fuck Finders with a number of expectations.

Did I expect to find normal people. Yes
Did I expect to find a friend or two? Not really. Hoped to but did not expect to.
Did I expect to find someone to fuck? Yes
Did I expect others to be honest with me. Yes, and I still do.
Did I expect to find someone I felt comfortable enough to fuck repeatedly? Not really. Again hoping to.
Did I expect to find my one true love? Soulmate? Marriage? You complete me baby? No. (Do I believe in Love at First Sight? Not anymore)

Hmmmm…..Those expectations get in the way every time don’t they?

Kinda begs the question doesn’t it? What the hell am I doing on either site? Shit if I know.

A little self affirmation perhaps? Well, that was stupid. Doesn’t come from advertising on a sex site or any other find-me-a-mate site or getting attention from someone else, or sexy underwear…never mind, yes it does come with sexy underwear.
Trying to ease the craving of skin to skin contact? Sure. Doesn’t everyone else crave that too? Ever read Ashley Montague? On Human Touch or something like that I think.
A way to see if I’m normal or not. Again…dumbass…I’m more normal that I give myself credit for…not completely normal, mind you cuz that would be terribly boring.

Here’s what I didn’t know about, didn’t expect:
The sheer amount of jerks on AFF (the other matchmaking site isn’t looking too much better right now, either).
People being substantially different than what they portray themselves to be (Chalk that one up to being incredibly naive). My experience in this arena is terribly low and it’s hard over chat and e-mail to get a real sense of someone. Too easy to fake….to say all the right things…

I sure as shit didn’t expect to find anyone interesting enough to want to get to know better both in and out of the bedroom.

Universal Bitch Slap for Rosa. Now what the hell do I do?
Think it to death, lol? (Typical for me it seems)
Let it be? (Harder, but possible with some work)
Run away? (Torn between the fuck buddy thing and nothing at all if it has the potential to become too serious)
Running away has never been an option for me, Gene. Never, ever…

I suspect you already know this; the fuck buddy statement is true for me only because I do feel something for you beyond your huge cock. Am I sorry I do? Not a chance in Hell. Is that a problem? Maybe it is…but, not asking you to marry me. Not asking to move in. Not expecting anything. Just sharing. If that’s too much, expecting anything, or too weird, so be it.

Feel I’m always taking a big chance letting another inside me but tend to do it anyway.
The potential for hurt is always high. And it seems to happen more often than not. Grow thicker skin and a harder heart? That will never happen. Not for me. I don’t want to.

Do you remember this part or do guys not struggle quite like this:
Feeling so-o-o unsure? Still hurt even tho you accept the end of the marriage? Trying not to let others see that hurt. Lots of bravado? Trying to make another life for yourself? Trying not to be hypercritical but still wondering what the hell is wrong with yourself (doesn’t anyone want to be with me kinda stuff). Wanting the closeness of a relationship but not wanting to be hurt again? Wanting the touch and caresses of another so badly it feels like you’re gonna come out of your skin if you don’t get that (not the powerful release of orgasm with another-just human touch, caressing, stroking). How much do you share? How much do you hold back (me, I tend to hold nothing back-the ex called it emotionally unstable). How do you trust your intuition when that intuition was wrong so many times, with someone you felt so sure about and trusted, and made plans with? Being able to say “I Love You” and mean it without expectations attached to it?

Yeah, still working thru it…always working thru life…

Big OO’s and XX’s for being you